One of the teams' finest bakers.  Often completes 80 minutes although recently this means his total game time for the season.  Always injured and the creator of some original excuses or injuries for not playing on Saturdays.   Currently sporting the largest beer gut in history. Now retired after sustaining an injury whilst spectating. 
 

Unbelievably the holder of a doctorate in Nuclear Physics, Steve is often found doing the hard yards and tackling in between the centre and winger - as befits a prop.  Training is his forte and occasionally has completed a full session.  Believes he is the better looking of the Dorning brothers.  Well known to all the girls in our local nightclub haunt. Occasionally laughs on tour.

Long legged Dave is the only player we know who sports a Kirk Douglas style Face Arse.  Told by a girl once that he looks like David Beckham, although said girl was extremely drunk and part of a care in the community scheme.  Was recently a dogging victim.

John is our only coloured player and is rumoured to spend most of the week on a sunbed or making appointments to go on one.  He claims his orange glow is because he works outside on the roads all day.  Oh yeah John?  the sun never bloody shines in Bolton in the summer, never mind winter, so why do you look like you've been Tango'd in the middle of December then? eh?

Gaz is often seen with his long hose out on Saturday nights in Bolton.  Although I might add this is only when he is on duty.  Holder of the worst attempted head butt record in the NWCL.  He missed by so much that he was suspended for 6 matches.  Two for the attempt plus four because the spectators were in greater danger than the opposing player.

One of the teams great thinkers and vary rarely quiet.  Neil is a roofer by trade and often accidentally takes the quickest way down after a shift.  Once fell of the same scaffolding three times in the same afternoon.

The smallest and oldest player in the NWCL.  Rumoured to have wooden blocks on the pedals of his car.  Often gets lost on pitches with long grass.

Lee has recently returned to the club from an enforced eating absence.  Was gutted when put in at prop in his first game having previously been a svelte centre.  Has entered this years 'Slimmer of the year' competition with Mark Green.  This picture still contains more than 1 chin though.  Likes wearing dominos.

Bus driver Stu is the largest centre in the NWCL.  Very rarely seen without Anthony Smith who acts as his pulling foil.  Is only marginally narrower than the buses he drives.

Chris is our coach and assures us he has some form of coaching certificate.  Has the ability to talk non-stop, even when knocked unconscious whilst playing last season.  Claims to have invented a fool-proof system for winning on the horses, this conclusion being reached after one bet.  Recently in receipt of the best kick in the knackers ever dished out by a Bolton nightclub bouncer.

So called because he doesn't 'dress straight'.  One of the best kickers at the club including the greatest ever penalty attempt when lining up a shot in front of the sticks the ball ended up going out of play near the corner flag.  If it was up to his mum he would be man of the match every week.  One of the hairiest men in rugby league his sprinting improves when he shaves down.  The Ken Barlow reference is because he only drinks bottled lager which is about half a pint.  Just like Ken.

Another recent returnee to the club.  Has the ability to hear everything that is said on the pitch.  Another Weight watchers devotee and is unique in that he brings his girlfriend to training.  Wearer of the worst fancy dress outfit on the last tour - since when did a pirate wear a Fred Perry T-shirt?
 

Tackling machine Mick is a very committed member of the club and the best at insulting opposing players from the touchline.  One excuse he had for missing training was that he was held up at knife point at work.  Something we all believed (honest) until it appeared in the papers the next day.  Currently the holder of the highest ever blood sugar level.

A purveyor of low quality tackling and running ability, hails from a backward pennine town not dissimilar to that portrayed in the League of Gentlemen.  Can't wait to retire but the coach won't let him.  Turns up to play when sick or badly injured because he can't stand the coach moaning at him.  Likes to devote his tiem to ironing and fractured his hand chinning a Langworthy player last year.

Scrum half Hicky is the owner of the world's longest socks which make him appear taller than he is.  Turned his phone off for 4 weeks in the hope that coach Chris Brown would stop ringing  - Chris didn't.

Despite being as small as Gaz Hamer, Johnny is one of the best tacklers at the club, with a whole-hearted but very effective approach best described as a ten yard head butt. Tackles using the element of surprise.

Joe has recently returned up north and made a welcome return to the Mets.  Producer of extra-ordinary kicks including one from the base of the scrum last season which went up in the air but not very far.  In fact it just missed our front row.

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Extraordinary dancing ability marks Planet down as a real whizz with the ladies.  Uses his large bulk to pull girls by osmosis.  Holder of the world record for the highest resting pulse rate during bleep tests last year.

Ryan is one of the best tacklers at the club and also has a great side-step which often results with him falling flat on his face.  Teller of the world's worst jokes and owner of the fastest ever 50cc scooter.

Phil bears a striking resemblance to Wanderers striker of yesteryear, recently lost 2 stone in a bid to join the RAF and did so with great effort.  On a recent return he proved his job placement in the food stores was too much of a temptation.  It's rumoured the RAF are now facing rationing.

Occasionally puts in a guest appearance for the Mets, more recently seen in a hooking role.  Any sightings please report to the club.

Andy recently for some reason had bit of a lapse and went to play Yawnion then signed up for the Chelsea of rugby league Parkside Golborne.  Rumoured to owe subs at four sporting clubs in the Bolton area.

Super-fast winger (well, compared to the rest of us) Dave has been filling in a variety of positions this season for the Mets.  Currently has more hair than shown here.  Dave currently coaches our youth team where he is affectionately known as 'that old bloke'.

Versatile Rob can fill many positions on the pitch. Has the largest muscles of any of the Mets.  Excellent at attracting kebab house violence whilst minding his own business.

Bobby drives a 7.5 tonne truck, although whenhe gets out it's weight drops to 5.5 tonnes.  Says very little these days except 'take some kit to the pitch for me - I'll be there'.
 

The most grumpiest man in rugby league.  Fortunately has now retired but still attends training to spread his unique brand of happiness around.

Has a habit of scouring the dressing room prior to matches and stealing and playing in any thick socks he can find. Not seen recently because he thinks rugby is a 'stupid game'.

Despite having a surname that rhymes with Bollocks, Pete is forever injured and is rumoured to keep protective equipment companies in business.  Once entered the fray as substitute second rower, but was so slow that by the time he got near the scrum he was supposed to pack down in he had received the ball from the scrum half at first receiver.

Despite being virtually just out of nappies Pierce is one of the best tacklers and takers of the high ball at the club.  Usually encouraged in his play from the sidelines by his dad Swiss Tony.  Playing at full back is like making love to a beautiful woman............. 

The mysterious Daz turns up for training with a people carrier full of kids.  Also is the only player to treat touch rugby as full contact.  Unbelieveably enthusiastic but a year with us will end that.  Rumoured to be related to fellow MENSA member Rob Stone.

Our coach thought his Bingo nickname was because his real name was Paul Mecca.  Signed from in-bred Accrington Bingo has slotted in well.  Owns more Mets sportswear than the rest of the team put together and is responsible for Chris the embroiderer meeting his quota this year.

Ross is one of the fastest players at the club and was given a rather harsh nickname for the last tour.  Hailing from Sunderland he must be the most unluckiest tourist ever for the Mets tour destination being 20mins from his parents house.  Bit like us going for a week in Chorley.  He is not being sick in this picture.......honest.

Superfast Chris models his facial hair on Craig David's Bo Selecta puppet and is also the embodiment of Chav style with his insistence on wearing Nike.  Nevertheless he runs like s*** of the preverbial.

Ian is rival for the sunbed stakes with John Atherton.  Called Cinderella as he is never seen out on the lash past midnight.  The most popular man in the team because after games either Ian or his brother (who may be Gary Quirk with more hair) buys the team a carry out